Usually, I do not have the motivation to place my thoughts on paper.
And on paper, surmounting the lack of motivation may sound like an easy obstacle to overcome, but it is a challenge. I have the interesting thought, the idea to write it crosses my mind, the idea to place it somewhere I can reference later springs for a fleeting moment, and then becomes suffocated by my anxiety, the questions that make that idea worthless, meaningless. 'What's the point?' or 'Who cares?' Questions my depression crafts to keep me in this fucking cycle I want to break.
Writing alone won't break the cycle, but now I don't care who listens.
So back to my thought...
How incredible is that humans evolved in such a way that they are able to use one avenue (the throat) for consuming both liquids and air? How long did it take nature to get that one right? And sometimes I personally struggle getting the sequence correct.
Wow, now that the thought is on paper those questions have arised, and I do ask what is the point? I'm not sure, but it feels good, it feels so good to have an idea and an eagerness and drive to put it into words.
I was sick yesterday with a fever - I left work midday and spent my afternoon in feverish sleep. I woke and felt a little better, but still unwell.
That feeling crossed over into today, my mind is sharp and quick, but my body is not able to keep the pace - I make many typos, say things without thinking.
But at work I am calm and centered taking each situation in stride and breaking the question into its constituent parts. Today is a good day.
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Monday, December 18, 2017
Vipassana
I recently attended a ten-day meditation course called Vipassana. In short, I have been inspired to spread word of this wonderful technique.
Vipassana was discovered by Gautama the Buddha as a method to eradicate all suffering by eliminating the two things that lead to suffering: craving and aversion.
When we crave something and it is not provided, inner peace is disturbed.
When we develop aversion towards something and it appears, inner peace is disturbed.
Vipassana works to maintain inner peace despite our external environment. It is radically simple, and only requires effort on the part of the meditator in order to reap benefit.
The technique begins by practicing annapana sati meditation (focus is directed on observing the natural breath, with no attempt to alter it) for the first three days. Focus is directed on the triangle consisting of the nostrils of the nose to the upper lip. It is in this stage where you learn how to become aware of sensation.
On day four, Vipassana is taught. You are instructed to sit for one hour (three times a day) and scan the body from head to toe, aware of any sensation felt. You become highly aware of any sensation - pain in knees from sitting, back aches, itches, heat, cold, blood flow... the list goes on and on. And the key is when you experience these sensations, you do not respond. You acknowledge the sensation, and come to terms with its emphermality - that its existence is temporary and the pain or unpleasant sensation will soon pass.
Over time, the practice of Vipassana becomes integrated into your life and you are more prepared to handle the oscillations of living.
The organization's main website can be found here ! You can locate the center nearest to you and sign up for a course if my writing has helped nudge you closer.
Vipassana was discovered by Gautama the Buddha as a method to eradicate all suffering by eliminating the two things that lead to suffering: craving and aversion.
When we crave something and it is not provided, inner peace is disturbed.
When we develop aversion towards something and it appears, inner peace is disturbed.
Vipassana works to maintain inner peace despite our external environment. It is radically simple, and only requires effort on the part of the meditator in order to reap benefit.
The technique begins by practicing annapana sati meditation (focus is directed on observing the natural breath, with no attempt to alter it) for the first three days. Focus is directed on the triangle consisting of the nostrils of the nose to the upper lip. It is in this stage where you learn how to become aware of sensation.
On day four, Vipassana is taught. You are instructed to sit for one hour (three times a day) and scan the body from head to toe, aware of any sensation felt. You become highly aware of any sensation - pain in knees from sitting, back aches, itches, heat, cold, blood flow... the list goes on and on. And the key is when you experience these sensations, you do not respond. You acknowledge the sensation, and come to terms with its emphermality - that its existence is temporary and the pain or unpleasant sensation will soon pass.
Over time, the practice of Vipassana becomes integrated into your life and you are more prepared to handle the oscillations of living.
The organization's main website can be found here ! You can locate the center nearest to you and sign up for a course if my writing has helped nudge you closer.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Chatting With Emy
Studying abroad has provided its host of challenges, but the most alienating is being surrounded by native students who also attend Veritas Universidad. The language barrier makes communication difficult, and sometimes scary, but every single time I've taken the leap of faith into a conversation with a Tico, I've emerged on the other side with a feeling of friendship and accomplishment.
One Thursday, I noticed a girl standing alone smoking a cigarette outside Veritas. I approached her timidly, using my little Spanish to ask her name and if maybe I could also have a cigarette. She surprised me by answering in English, and my surprise took the best of me as I began rambling sentences filled with English spoken way too fast. I thought about how I felt when Ticos spoke Spanish ridiculously fast and I was only able to catch the first couple of words, but lost the idea entirely because my translating mind could not keep up with the rapid pace. I immediately slowed my speech and started asking Emy a few basic questions.
My first was how long she had been studying language, because she was extremely talented in her sentence structure and in listening to me when I finally slowed down. She told me she had been studying since she was a young girl, and that when she was a teenager she got a job working as a phone call center receiver in Leon where she had ample opportunity to practice her English. Now, a young woman studying digital animation at Veritas, she was working as a customer service call center receiver for Amazon in San Jose. Her language skills opened doors of opportunity to jobs only available to a knowledgable speaker of English and Spanish, and was very present in her conversation with me.
I asked what was the best tip possible when learning a language, and she answered with, "Practice, practice, practice! Nothing is more important than using what your learning with a native speaker." I smiled and thought back to all the struggles I've had thus far in Costa Rica, and my achievements in applying what I learned in class to my reality.
We left the topic of language, and I learned that Emy was into heavy metal music and we shared some of our favorite artists before she told me she was about to take a taxi home and prepare for her night at work. I thanked her for her time and her cigarette.
My time with Emy filled me with a sense of gratitude for the opportunities available to me. Walking home, I was washed away by my deeper inspiration to become fluent in a foreign language so that one day I would be able to clearly communicate my ideas to a different culture as Emy did with me.
One Thursday, I noticed a girl standing alone smoking a cigarette outside Veritas. I approached her timidly, using my little Spanish to ask her name and if maybe I could also have a cigarette. She surprised me by answering in English, and my surprise took the best of me as I began rambling sentences filled with English spoken way too fast. I thought about how I felt when Ticos spoke Spanish ridiculously fast and I was only able to catch the first couple of words, but lost the idea entirely because my translating mind could not keep up with the rapid pace. I immediately slowed my speech and started asking Emy a few basic questions.
My first was how long she had been studying language, because she was extremely talented in her sentence structure and in listening to me when I finally slowed down. She told me she had been studying since she was a young girl, and that when she was a teenager she got a job working as a phone call center receiver in Leon where she had ample opportunity to practice her English. Now, a young woman studying digital animation at Veritas, she was working as a customer service call center receiver for Amazon in San Jose. Her language skills opened doors of opportunity to jobs only available to a knowledgable speaker of English and Spanish, and was very present in her conversation with me.
I asked what was the best tip possible when learning a language, and she answered with, "Practice, practice, practice! Nothing is more important than using what your learning with a native speaker." I smiled and thought back to all the struggles I've had thus far in Costa Rica, and my achievements in applying what I learned in class to my reality.
We left the topic of language, and I learned that Emy was into heavy metal music and we shared some of our favorite artists before she told me she was about to take a taxi home and prepare for her night at work. I thanked her for her time and her cigarette.
My time with Emy filled me with a sense of gratitude for the opportunities available to me. Walking home, I was washed away by my deeper inspiration to become fluent in a foreign language so that one day I would be able to clearly communicate my ideas to a different culture as Emy did with me.
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
¡mi familia tica!
Studying abroad has been so much more than classes in a new country and adventures on the weekend. It has gifted me with a family that I've come to know and love more than I ever imagined. I live alongside two other study abroad students and our familia tica, an adorable group of my mama tica, papa tica, David, and Daniella.
While stimulating and fun, being apart of a native Costa Rican family with basic Spanish skills has its challenges. I have learned how to communicate with my mama tica using a translator at times when necessary (like when I asked mama tica how she met papa tico), and using the skills I learned in class to talk about our days, our likes and dislikes, and what to get David for his birthday...
Our conversations may be basic without a dictionary to help me, but the small talk mean the most because it is a reminder that I am in a new country, learning a language, and trying my hardest to make a connection.
It's a celebration every morning when I ask my mama tica to repeat a phrase or ask her how to say a verb I'm unfamiliar with. As shown this morning when our papa tico was talking about playing the guitar and I wanted to share that I missed my violin that I left in the states. "Cómo se dice I miss?" There was a small hesitation as mama tica thought about my question, then understanding lit her face and she answered, "echar de menos, entonces echo de menos mí violin." A small statement, but one that took teamwork to share across the language barrier.
Being here has taught me how much I take my ability to communicate in English for granted, and also given me inspiration to dutifully learn Spanish so that I may share my ideas with another culture.
While stimulating and fun, being apart of a native Costa Rican family with basic Spanish skills has its challenges. I have learned how to communicate with my mama tica using a translator at times when necessary (like when I asked mama tica how she met papa tico), and using the skills I learned in class to talk about our days, our likes and dislikes, and what to get David for his birthday...
Our conversations may be basic without a dictionary to help me, but the small talk mean the most because it is a reminder that I am in a new country, learning a language, and trying my hardest to make a connection.
Being here has taught me how much I take my ability to communicate in English for granted, and also given me inspiration to dutifully learn Spanish so that I may share my ideas with another culture.
sploosh!
Only a few days after settling in my new home, I clumsily allowed my cell phone to bounce out of my pocket and into my tica family's koi pond. I rushed down the stairs and grasped into the water hoping to touch the familiar shape, but instead only felt slimy fish. My papa tico found a net and helped me fish it out, but unfortunately the life already left my phone.
I wasn't as upset as I expected to be, but rather I felt a relief.
My adventure to Costa Rica was intended to be an escape from the expectations I believed existed at home, and losing my main connection to my friends and family felt refreshing. Instead of mindlessly scrolling through facebook and instagram, my eyes took in the world around me. Without a small electronic screen to escape into, my attention focused on vastly unique gates that surrounded each house. I stopped and smelled the hibiscus and I smiled and said '¡hola!' to every stranger I passed.
Of course, being without a phone created difficulties with communication. It was a challenge to get in touch with my roommates or my mama tica to let them know I would be home late for dinner, but this forced me to think outside of the box and find a different method to achieve my goal.
It's been three weeks since that fateful day, and I once again have a cell phone. When it was in transit, I was ecstatic. Now that it is here, I feel discontent with myself when I absent-mindedly open snapchat and consider watching the lives of my friends. I consider downloading instagram, but I do not want to scroll through a virtual representation of my friends. My heart yearns to live freely, mindfully consuming my time with the people physically around me and opening myself to tangible experiences.
I wasn't as upset as I expected to be, but rather I felt a relief.
My adventure to Costa Rica was intended to be an escape from the expectations I believed existed at home, and losing my main connection to my friends and family felt refreshing. Instead of mindlessly scrolling through facebook and instagram, my eyes took in the world around me. Without a small electronic screen to escape into, my attention focused on vastly unique gates that surrounded each house. I stopped and smelled the hibiscus and I smiled and said '¡hola!' to every stranger I passed.
Of course, being without a phone created difficulties with communication. It was a challenge to get in touch with my roommates or my mama tica to let them know I would be home late for dinner, but this forced me to think outside of the box and find a different method to achieve my goal.
It's been three weeks since that fateful day, and I once again have a cell phone. When it was in transit, I was ecstatic. Now that it is here, I feel discontent with myself when I absent-mindedly open snapchat and consider watching the lives of my friends. I consider downloading instagram, but I do not want to scroll through a virtual representation of my friends. My heart yearns to live freely, mindfully consuming my time with the people physically around me and opening myself to tangible experiences.
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
un påjaro
october 1st, you have been mucho bien to me. journey through a coffee plantation, a tropical rainforest, an active volcanic crater,
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